it’s dawned on me.
Do you ever have those moments where an epiphany slaps you in the face like an angry friend? I just felt that sting a few minutes ago this very night …
I was on my way back to the flat from the bus stop, when I noticed a fellow trying to fix a very badly broken bicycle. The man was obviously homeless, with the bike having a shopping trolley full of odds and ends tied haphazardly to the back of it, as a sort of trailer. I’ve tried not to just give money away at every turn to the homeless after a friend made me realise that it’s better to teach someone how to get out of being homeless rather than just giving them money.
The difficult part is the fact that I was homeless when I was younger, and during that time I was without hope of work due to very extreme/odd circumstances – if it weren’t for the kindness of both strangers and friends, I would have never gotten by and progressed past that. Even now, although work and shelter et al are sorted, I am relying more on friends than I feel comfortable with. My heart bleeds for those I see on the street, regardless of how they got there and why there are still there. I don’t feel it my place to judge anyone. Anyway, I digress:
I stopped to give the last of my change to the homeless bloke with the broken bicycle, thinking that as tomorrow is payday, giving away my last few dollars wouldn’t hurt anything. I said something to him along the lines of ‘I hope I’m not being rude, but maybe you could use some change to help you find a way to fix your bike in full?’
Then this man shocked me by looking me up and down, smiling and saying in one of the raspiest, but kindest, voices I have ever heard:
‘Honey, you need those quarters more than me and you know it. Don’t go helping me when you are still struggling to help yourself. Once you’ve learned that, pay it forward. Now go home, honey. And please, take care of yourself.’
With that, he turned back to his bike and ignored the fact that my jaw must have hit the pavement quite loudly. I was dressed in my best business outfit, a dress no less with heels and the lot – I by no means looked unwell in any respect. I went back to the flat and cried. I am ashamed of myself …
I’m very lucky, you know – quite blessed. I just don’t realise it all of the time.
